


put your heart at ease

by Yamadori



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: F/M, Non-Despair AU, Spoilers for chapter 1, it's complicated - Freeform, other tags omitted to avoid spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 14:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13055739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yamadori/pseuds/Yamadori
Summary: She made a place for herself in his heart. And he never wants her to leave.





	put your heart at ease

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dereban](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dereban/gifts).



> I had to rush through this a lot, and it deviated dramatically from my original plan - ended up a little sadder than originally intended, I apologize! - but I hope this is still enjoyable for you!
> 
> There's some loose ends here and there in the fic, but a lot of that is intentional - half is me wanting to leave things up to reader's interpretation, and half is wanting the readers to be able to piece things together. I believe I've left enough breadcrumbs to get at least a general picture of what's going on here, but if anyone has any questions, I'll be happy to answer them after the author reveals. c:

_Have you ever heard a song for the first time, and it just inexplicably makes you feel sad?_

 

_As far as you know, there’s no reason it should make you so sad. And yet, when you hear it, your heart hurts terribly. It’s so painful, you feel like you might cry._

 

_I had something like that happen to me, once._

 

~.~.~.~

 

“‘The Sign of Four’, huh…”

 

He starts, shoulders jerking, and the only thing that runs through his mind is, _oh no_.

 

This is why he transferred schools. Isn’t it? This school was supposed to be okay, they weren't supposed to _pick_ on him, here-

 

“Mystery novels always go over my head, but Sherlock Holmes is fun, at least!”

 

...Something relaxes in his shoulders. Just a little.

 

Thumb tucked against the page to hold his place, he chances a look up. Blonde hair and lavender eyes. _She’s pretty_ , he can’t help but think. “It’s a series… I enjoy a lot…”

 

She laughs, and he can't help but wonder what she’s so happy about. “Haha, I’m glad I finally get to know a little more about you!” And that nearly makes him start again, because- “You’re Saihara-kun, right?”

 

Why does she seem so happy to know more about him? Why does she know his name?

 

He asks as much. “How do you know me?”

 

“Eh? That’s an obvious question, don’t you think?” With that same cheery giggle, she waves a finger in the air as if proclaiming a solemn fact. “I’ve been hearing whenever you get called on for two months, you know! It’s pretty normal to notice the person seated behind you.”

 

Is it normal? He doesn’t really know. He’s just been trying desperately to not draw attention to himself.

 

“Anyway, you probably already know my name,” he doesn’t know why he cares, but he feels a stab of guilt when she says that, “but my name is Akamatsu. Akamatsu Kaede!” Her sudden frown catches him off guard. “Say, Saihara-kun… Aren’t you going to eat soon? Our lunch period will be over soon.”

 

 _Why is she doing this, what does she want from me_ \- “I… don’t eat at school.” He doesn’t know if it would be okay to try here, but that was a lesson hard-learned from before. “I’ll have something when I go home.”

 

“That's no good!” She sounds so dismayed. “Don’t you know it’s bad to study and take lessons without food? Here, I have an extra pair of chopsticks-” Quick as a bolt of lightning, they’re being placed on his desk and her hand is on his book-

 

Her _hand is on his book_ -

 

“Please… don’t touch my book…” It takes every bit of willpower he has to not breathe faster, to not clench his fingers on the pages to the point of damage. This school is different. This place is okay, _it has to be okay_ -

 

“Ah, I’m sorry…” Something must be showing on his face, because she looks terribly apologetic. It feels… genuine, and that helps him relax. “Won’t you put it down and eat with me for a bit, though? I promise my mother’s cooking is tasty!”

 

He shouldn’t.

 

It’s a bad idea to allow even the slightest bit of closeness, isn’t it?

 

That’s why he’s surprised more than anyone when he says-

 

“...Okay.”

 

“Yay!” She looks so excited, he can’t help but smile a little bit. What a joyful person. “Even though it’s probably a little bit embarrassing to share a bento with a boy…”

 

 _Ah._ He flushes instantly.

 

“C’mon, let’s eat quickly so you can get back to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle!” The way she says it isn’t like people from before. There might be a little bit of teasing to the tone, sure, but… It’s said with kindness. He’s had enough of a lack of it to know the difference.

 

He picks up the chopsticks, and there’s a warm feeling in his chest.

 

~.~.~.~

 

_Black ink of what was once kanji streaks down the paper. The pages are water damaged beyond repair. They can no longer be read._

 

_“I can’t read it… I can’t read it…!”_

 

_That moment… is filled with despair._

 

_...Eh? Despair is a little overdramatic, you say?_

 

_I wonder..._

 

~.~.~.~

 

He starts bringing bentos for lunchtime. Akamatsu is ecstatic.

 

He starts bringing new mystery novels, too. More than just his old standby of Sherlock Holmes (easier to replace if anything happens to it, rather than the less well-known pieces). He discovers that Akamatsu is good at solving things; she has a knack for figuring things out a few steps ahead.

 

It’s a nice discovery.

 

~.~.~.~

 

“Hey, Saihara-kun…”

 

Akamatsu is biting her lip, and all-around looking rather nervous. This is not a usual occurrence for her.

 

It makes him a little concerned. (makes him wonder if he did something...) “Is something wrong?”

 

“No! ...Well. Not really, no. It’s just-” Is she _blushing_? “If you have time after class today… I was wondering if you could come somewhere with me?”

 

It’s an odd request, at least for her. And everything in him _should_ be screaming in panic, and yet the words are tumbling out of his mouth without hesitation, “Sure, that’s fine.”

 

Akamatsu looks so relieved.

 

~.~.~.~

 

_“I won’t allow anyone to get hurt by me again… I won’t. I won’t…!”_

 

~.~.~.~

 

Saihara blinks at what lies before him. “The music room?”

 

“Yeah!” The nervousness is still clear in her tone, but she’s finally smiling again. “It’s probably pretty silly, but… I come here a lot, especially if I’m ever feeling down, and…” Her voice is soft with the admittance. “I play the piano. It’s like I’m the best or anything, but…! Music is something I like and enjoy. No matter what the situation is, I can always think of a song that will make me feel better... And when I start talking about it, I get really excited! Ah, if I do, people usually laugh at me, but... It’s very important to me. So I just,” she glances away, and _oh no_ she really is blushing, “really wanted to share that with you. ‘Cause we’re friends, you know?”

 

His heart skips.

 

Friends? Them?

 

A month of insisted bentos and sharing mystery novels. A month of this girl inserting herself into his life without consent, but that Saihara can’t really find himself complaining about.

 

_Friends…_

 

It feels like it’s been a very long time since he’s been able to call anyone that.

 

“...I promise I won’t laugh at you. It must’ve taken courage to tell me that, so… Thank you, Akamatsu-san, for sharing with me something so important to you.”

 

Her lips part, like she’s surprised. And then-

 

“Let me play a song for you!” She’s already movie towards the piano at the front of the room. “I have just the thing in mind… It’s tricky, so it took me a long time to master it, but once I did it just… feels so right to play it. It’s been my absolute favorite song since I was a little girl.” And then she points at him, a teasing glint in her eyes. “You’d better keep your promise not to laugh at me, because if you do during _this_ , I really won’t forgive you!”

 

In spite of himself, Saihara is smiling. For him, it’s a pretty wide smile. “I swear it on my life.”

 

For a moment, Akamatsu is quiet. Then she breathes in deeply as her fingers go to the keys, and…

 

A sweet melody floods the room.

 

It’s a beautiful sound, so Saihara doesn’t understand.

 

He doesn’t understand why he suddenly feels so inexplicably sad.

 

His heart hurts terribly.

 

And it’s so painful, he feels like he might cry.

 

~.~.~.~

 

_“I trusted you.”_

 

_“I didn’t mean to… This wasn’t supposed to happen...”_

 

_“Don’t speak to me. I don’t ever want to see your face again.”_

 

_“Wait! Wait a minute, please wait-”_

 

 _“_ **_Leave_ ** _.”_

 

~.~.~.~

 

“...The name of it is _Clair de Lune_ , by Debussy. I really love how it puts your heart at ea- Saihara-kun?!”

 

“...Huh?”

 

“You… Why are you crying?!”

 

“...Ah. I didn’t realize… Sorry.”

 

“Dummy, don’t apologize for crying… If anyone should be sorry, it’s probably me. Is it the music? I’ve always thought it was beautiful, but… Did it make you sad?”

 

“N… No, not really… Please don’t worry about it, though.”

 

~.~.~.~

 

_“You’re a liar, aren’t you, Saihara-chan?”_

 

~.~.~.~

 

She doesn’t play Clair de Lune for him anymore, but they go the music room after class each day without fail.

 

Today, Saihara lays his head upon one of the desks and lets Chopin’s Nocturne wind its way through his ears, down to his heart.

 

It’s taken four months, but he thinks he’s finally found it.

 

A safe space, where the past won’t get to him, even if only for a little while.

 

Akamatsu is safe in a way no one else can be.

 

The beginnings of something stir in his chest, but it’s something he doesn’t have a name for yet.

 

~.~.~.~

 

_“Oi, Shuuichi. C’mere.” His hand lifted in the air, and- I was never able to turn him down, but I definitely couldn’t then. I sat at his bedside. When I sank down, it felt like I was about to fall through the earth._

 

_Maybe that was the heaviness of my heart._

 

_“Momota-kun…”_

 

_For the first time, his smile was sad, and I already knew why before he said it. “C’mon, you’re still using my surname at a time like this? Just call me Kaito already.”_

 

_Considering everything else he’d gone through, I think that’s what hurt my heart the most. Something so small was enough to finally make him sad._

 

_“...Ka- Kaito-kun.”_

 

_He laughed, but it was a good laugh. “Guess that’s as good as I can get, huh?”_

 

_“I’m sorry.”_

 

_“Don’t be.” He put his hand on my head, and the feeling of gentle fingers on my scalp was finally enough to make tears prick at my eyes. Was he being gentle because he knew I was also in pain? Or had he just lost the strength in his hand to tousle my hair like he often used to? In the end, I’m not sure it mattered; both possibilities were painful. “And geez, don’t cry, okay? This isn’t a time to be sad.”_

 

 _“Not… a time to be sad?” That was more than I could take. “Of_ **_course_ ** _it’s a time to be sad! How can you even-?!”_

 

_“Shuuichi!”_

 

_The tears started to spill over when I realized what I had done._

 

_I was the worst best friend anyone could have._

 

_I had never deserved Momota Kaito, and that’s the honest truth. He could’ve done so much better than me._

 

_“Ah, I… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have raised my voice…”_

 

_“I don’t care about that, you know.” His smile didn’t falter. “Just listen carefully to what I’m about to say.”_

 

 _There was a short pause before I nodded. I didn’t know if I was strong enough to hear whatever he was about to tell me, but I knew that didn’t matter - even if I wasn’t, I_ **_had_ ** _to be._

 

_“Live, Shuuichi.”_

 

_It stole my breath._

 

_“What happens to me doesn’t matter. Whether I live or die tomorrow - that doesn’t matter. As long as you go out there and live, I can go on without any regrets._

 

_“Be a sidekick that I can be proud of. Grab happiness with both of your hands and never let it go.” He laughed. “You gotta be happy for two of us, so I’m counting on you! Got it?”_

 

_His chuckles melded into coughs. I had been frozen, but it shocked me enough to move and get some water for him from the nearby pitcher._

 

_He pulled his hand back as I got near, and the back of it was streaked with red._

 

~.~.~.~

 

The seasons pass, and he makes a decision.

 

“...Um, Akamatsu-san?”

 

He can tell she’s surprised when her shoulders lift a little. Saihara isn’t usually the one who initiates conversation between the two of them. But when she turns to him, there’s an almost… _pleased_ little smile on her face.

 

“What’s up, Saihara-kun?”

 

“I was just wondering… If you had any plans tonight.”

 

“Not besides going home and doing my homework, no. Why?”

 

He takes a breath. “Would you like to get dinner with me? There’s a nice ramen-ya a few blocks away from here.”

 

Akamatsu blinks, mouth falling open wide.

 

And then blinks again.

 

Very slowly, nerves twisting up his stomach as he does, Saihara watches a steady blush overtake her face.

 

 _Cute. She looks really cute._ Maybe it’s not all nerves.

 

But then she smiles again, blush and all, and that combo is almost more than he can handle.

 

“I’d… I’d love to…”

 

~.~.~.~

 

_I’m… going to change._

 

_Even if right now, this moment, it’s hard to put one foot in front of the other… Even if it feels like my soul is being crushed… I’m going to change!_

 

_You showed me what it was like, to not be the way I was… And I will never forget that._

 

_The words you gave me._

 

_And the words that letter gave me._

 

_I will always hold them in my heart!_

 

_I don’t want to be a person that hurts others anymore._

 

_From this day forward, I will become a new me!_

 

~.~.~.~

 

Akamatsu giggles as they walk. It’s not yet cold enough for her breath to show, but the chill is enough to bring out a flush to her cheeks. “Honestly, Saihara-kun, you didn’t have to go out of your way to walk me home.”

 

At least, he thinks it’s only from the cold.

 

“I know. But I wanted to.” He tugs at his scarf as a way to distract himself. He knows _his_ flush isn’t from the cold. “It’s not good for girls to walk around at night by themselves.”

 

“I’d beat up anyone who tried!” Grinning, she raises fisted hands in the air. “Playing piano may be my specialty, but I’m strong, you know!”

 

His smile turns into something soft and fond. “I’d never doubt it. But it makes me feel better to be here.”

 

“Ah-” And quick as a flash, her head ducks down, pink cheeks all he can see. “Geez, that isn’t any fair, being able to say something so smooth with such good timing…” There’s a stretch of silence before Akamatsu reaches over and tugs lightly on the sleeve of his coat. “...But I’m glad to have you here.”

 

Warm.

 

His chest feels so warm.

 

Eventually, though, they end up coming to a stop in front of her house.

 

“This is me.” It wasn’t as good as being able to hold her hand - and oh boy, he really needs to get a handle on thoughts like that - but when she lets go of his sleeve, it feels like something is missing. “You really didn’t have to, but I’m really grateful you walked with me all the way over here.”

 

“It was noth-”

 

Saihara breaks off. He breaks off, because Akamatsu has moved faster than he anticipated and.

 

And she’s kissing his cheek.

 

“Thank you for taking me out tonight.” Her breath is a warm puff against his face. “And for the record, Saihara-kun… You’re pretty cute when you’re blushing.”

 

She pulls back, grin and eyes alight with a cocktail of mischief and nerves. And then she’s whirling around before he can get a word in, heading for the inside of her house.

 

“See you tomorrow!”

 

His limbs go limp when she shuts the door, like puppet strings have been cut away from him. He tries, and fails, to process the last minute of his life.

 

“...Wait.”

 

He goes back over that word choice. When she said “taking out”, did she mean…

 

“Was that… a date…?”

 

~.~.~.~

 

As it turns out, it was.

 

~.~.~.~

 

_I always kept those pages close to me._

 

_Maybe I shouldn’t have._

 

~.~.~.~

 

“Come on, Saihara-kun,” she pouts at him, and as it turns out he is _really weak_ to that. “It’s your turn to treat me today! You should at least contribute a little to what you’re getting me.”

 

“S-sorry… I’m pretty useless at things like this… I think you’d have better judgment about picking something like this out, anyway.” He glances away, face reddening. “Besides… you’re already pretty without any of the fancy makeup in here, so… I don’t really think you need it.”

 

“ _Argh_!” He yelps when Akamatsu slaps his arm. “Where do you get off, being so smooth?! You don’t need to make me swoon if we’re already dating!”

 

“Sorry, sorry…!”

 

But it makes his whole body feel light, to hear her say that. “Dating”.

 

They really are, aren’t they…?

 

“Alright, you don’t have to apologize anymore… I’m not really mad, anyway.” She tugs at his arm with a little sigh. “Just suggest something to me, even if you’re not sure I’ll like it?” Cue more pouting. “Even if this is the day you treat me… I still want both of us to have fun.”

 

“Akamatsu-san…” Feeling touched, his mouth curves into a smile. “Alright. I’ll try my best.” He gives the store a once over, looking at some of the products that are nearby. “Ah, how about this one?” He picks up the small bottle and is turning his head to look-

 

Her hand is suddenly very tight on his arm. Saihara doesn’t understand. And when he glances over at her, Akamatsu’s face is suddenly very pale.

 

It’s like she’s seen a ghost.

 

“N-no… Not… Not nail polish, please…”

 

The memory of his own voice echoes in his ears.

 

_“Please… don’t touch my book…”_

 

“Okay.” He swallows hard and immediately puts it back. “No nail polish.”

 

“Um, on second thought… Is it alright to not get something from here?” She laughs, and he can clearly tell that it’s forced. It makes something in him _ache_. “I know it’s stupid, since I was just pushing you a second ago, but… But, I…”

 

“It’s not stupid.” It’s a bold move for him, but Saihara reaches down and joins their fingers together. Akamatsu startles and glances down at the contact, but when her head lifts again, her eyes shine wetly. “Come on, let’s go sit outside for a bit.”

 

~.~.~.~

 

They sit, and Akamatsu doesn’t feel any better. It’s like someone pried all of the joy out of her and shoved sorrow in its place.

 

Saihara doesn’t know what to _do_.

 

But the longer this goes on, the more he hurts for her. The more he needs to stop it, immediately.

 

So he chances a glance around, and-

 

“Ice cream!” He announces so suddenly that this time, _both_ of them jump. “Let’s… Let’s get some ice cream! I’ll treat you to that instead!”

 

“...Eh?”

 

“Unless-” He feels his stomach sink, because he is legitimately a fool. “Unless… you don’t like having cold things in cold weather. But ice cream is always good, no matter what! It’s… always a good thing to have when you’re feeling down.”

 

Just when he’s utterly sure that he’s screwed things up beyond repair-

 

Akamatsu giggles.

 

“You… You dummy…” It’s a watery laugh, and she’s wiping at her eyes - but the smile she wears is a true one. “Of all the things, trying to cheer me up with ice cream… And not even being discreet about it…” She sniffles. “But it’s… working, so maybe I’m actually the dummy here…”

 

Saihara lets her cry silently against his coat before they finally get up and enter the shop.

 

~.~.~.~

 

_If I push everyone away and don’t care, then maybe…_

 

_Maybe I can finally be happy…_

 

~.~.~.~

 

“You’ll really take it off?!” She’s leaning forward so far that it’s nearly off of the piano bench.

 

“...You don’t have to get that excited…” He pulls his hat further down his head while he still can.

 

“Of course I do! This is really exciting!” Akamatsu sighs, and there’s an almost dreamy quality to it. “After all this time, I finally get to see Saihara-kun without his hat…”

 

He sighs. Best to get it over with rather than linger, right?

 

So without anymore ceremony, he takes it off.

 

When he risks taking a look at her, Akamatsu is glancing over him with wide, wondering eyes.

 

Finally, she breaks out into a slow smile. “I was right. You really do look more handsome without it.”

 

He doesn’t know what makes him flush harder - the fact that she’d said it all, or the fact that she had been _thinking_ about it.

 

“C-come on, now, I showed you so… You should get back to practicing…”

 

~.~.~.~

 

_I have to try harder next time._

 

_I never want to feel like this again._

 

_I won’t fail._

 

~.~.~.~

 

The snow is falling softly around him…

 

He’s nervous, waiting outside. He’d pleaded, but Akamatsu had insisted that he either go home without her or wait for her. She’d been very insistent about him not seeing her, for some reason, but Saihara hadn’t argued.

 

He rubs his hands together, cold even with gloves on. He doesn’t mind being out here, actually. But he _is_ worried about her. He knows that she’s been worried about-

 

“Ah… You’re still here…”

 

“Akamatsu-san?” He perks up at the sound of her voice, heart leaping up towards his throat. He’s concerned the moment he lays eyes on her - with her head pointed down like that, he can’t get a look at her expression. “How… How did it go?”

 

The quiet seems to go on for a long time, his question hanging in the air between them.

 

And then Akamatsu lifts her head, eyes closed and smiling.

 

“I didn’t qualify!”

 

And from those closed eyes, tears start to pour.

 

He nearly stumbles in the snow, trying to stagger his way over to her, and just barely makes it to embrace her before Akamatsu starts crying in earnest.

 

“I’m sorry…” He feels his own eyes sting, and knows it isn’t just from the cold. “I’m so sorry, Akamatsu-san…”

 

“You don’t- don’t have to apologize,” her words hitch with her crying, and when she tries to laugh, there’s no humor in it. “I should… have known that this would happen. A-after all, there are- so many more skilled people than me…” Fingers find purchase on his coat and dig in. “I-If only… I had more talent… If only I had a _super talent_ ,” she giggles then, and that’s a little more sincere, so Saihara holds onto that desperately.

 

“Isn’t it a little extra to add ‘super’ onto that?” After a second of deliberation, he places a hand on her back and tries to rub in soothing circles. “Why not choose a word that isn’t so intense?”

 

She laughs, and that sounds a little bit more like his girlfriend. It’s another thing to hold onto.

 

Next year they will be busy with their last year of high school, making the decisions that will decide their future. More likely than not, Akamatsu will not have the time to enter another competition. This was her last chance.

 

Saihara thinks he hates the judges, just a little.

 

“More importantly… The others don’t have the heart that you put into your playing. They don’t have your soul.”

 

She pulls back to look at him. Her expression has improved a little, but it’s still so heavy. _Come back to me,_ he thinks desperately. “How can you be so sure? You weren’t there.”

 

“I didn’t need to be.” He squeezes her a little closer. “I know. Trust me.”

 

For some reason, he feels like he’s on the precipice of something. Something that’s scary and unknown, but that he’ll willingly hurdle into.

 

He’ll gladly fall, for Akamatsu’s sake.

 

Perhaps his intuition is better than he thought, since Akamatsu chooses that moment to kiss him.

 

~.~.~.~

 

_I realize that… I probably overreacted. And I apologize for that._

 

_But if our trust was already so fragile that this would tip it over… Then maybe it’s for the best that things turned out this way._

 

_In spite of everything, I still care about you. Please… Take the good things from our time together and live for yourself. Please, go on without me and be happy._

 

_I’m grateful for our time together. I wish for your happiness, always._

 

~.~.~.~

 

His mind is fuzzy with kissing.

 

That’s why it takes a minute for him to realize where he is. That he is in Akamatsu’s house - her parents are thankfully out - and they are in Akamatsu’s room, and they are making out on Akamatsu’s bed.

 

He realizes, quite suddenly, just what he is doing. And why this timing is so very, very awful.

 

“Akamatsu-san-” He pulls back, and she makes a noise of protest, trying to pull him back- “Wait, _wait_ -”

 

“ _Saihara_.” The lack of honorific makes him shiver as she sits up, frowning down at him. “Why… did you stop?”

 

“We… can’t do this right now,” his voice is still breathless, but he does his level best to shake it off and be firm. “I won’t take advantage of you.”

 

“Take… advantage of me…” She leans back a little bit and - unexpectedly - smiles at her hands. There’s something sort of unreadable about it, and it makes Saihara feel… unsettled.

 

His mind races, tries to think of what he should say, if there’s anything he _can_ say-

 

“I had a boyfriend once before.” It’s unexpected enough that it steals whatever he’s about to say out of his mouth. “He was very different from you… But still very sweet. He changed me for the better, and helped me be who I am now. We were happy, until… I ruined things.” Her hands tighten on the sheet beneath her. “I’m actually a really terrible person, you know? I… used to not have faith anyone, or anything. I was afraid to talk to anyone, because what if they hurt me? Even now, sometimes I get scared… Sometimes, deep down I wish I still shut everyone away, so I wouldn’t have to be around people anymore…”

 

Akamatsu makes a noise in the back of her throat when he places a hand on her cheek.

 

“That’s ‘how you were’. That’s not necessarily who you are now. You are actions mean a lot more than whatever you might be thinking deep down.” His voice shakes a little with his next words, “And you came to me and helped me feel alive again when I wanted to push everything away. So please… Please don’t call yourself a terrible person.”

 

It takes a moment. But then she nods slowly, and lays back down to curl up on him.

 

When she cries this time, Akamatsu doesn’t hold back.

 

~.~.~.~

 

_If I ever told anyone about this… I’m sure they wouldn’t believe me._

 

_I mean… It sounds like something out of a fantasy story. If it were the other way around, I’m sure I wouldn’t believe me, either._

 

_And yet… This is what I know to be true._

 

_Unfortunately… The one I really hoped would believe me… did not._

 

~.~.~.~

 

 _It’s so hot this summer…_ He can feel his shirt glued to his back every time he moves. Saihara hopes, from the bottom of his heart, that his skin isn’t showing.

 

“Hey, Saihara,” Akamatsu is twirling her hair in front of him. He doesn’t have any interest in wearing a skirt, but he has to envy how much cooler she looks than him right now… “Did you decide what school you’re going to yet?”

 

Something about the question makes him sit up straighter. Perhaps it’s the way her eyes are darting back and forth.

 

“...Not really. But,” he rolls the thought around in his head before saying it aloud, “I think I’d like to try and go to the same school you choose.”

 

“...Silly.” She turns back around in her seat.

 

But not before Saihara sees her relieved smile and the way her shoulders relax.

 

~.~.~.~

 

The cherry blossoms are blooming earlier than they should when they graduate.

 

Akamatsu laughs and plays in them like a child. Saihara can’t help smiling at her fondly as she does.

 

When she’s finally gotten her fill, though, she comes and sits beside him under the biggest tree. She’s flushed with more than the exhilaration of running around, but he isn’t sure what’s got her so-

 

“Saihara… If it’s not too much trouble, I have a favor to ask.”

 

He wasn’t quite expecting that, but. “If I can, I’ll gladly do it- ouch!”

 

She shakes her head at him, pulling back from chopping him in the middle of his head. “Dummy, don’t just agree to it before you even hear what I have to say. You’re always silly like that when it comes to me…” Somehow, her cheeks seem to get even _redder_. “But if you don’t mind… May I have your second button?”

 

“Wh- You’re asking me that when we’re already dating?” It doesn’t make his embarrassment lessen at all.

 

He still gives it to her anyway.

 

~.~.~.~

 

_I think… I’m finally happy._

 

~.~.~.~

 

“Phew!” She breathes it out as she sets the last of the boxes down. “That should be the last of them… I didn’t think moving in together would be such hard work…”

 

“At least it’s finally done, though, right?” Saihara takes a seat besides her on the floor. “We should probably grab something to eat soon, though, Akamatsu-san.”

 

He jumps when she yells.

 

“Ugh! _Akamatsu-san_ , _Akamatsu-san_ \- we’ve been dating for five years and you still won’t use my first name!” She throws up her hands. Saihara knows from experience, now, that it isn’t a serious frustration - she _is_ frustrated, of course, but it’s not enough to be considered argument-level. He thinks. Hopes. “Honestly, Shuuichi, what are you going to do when we have the same family name?”

 

Oh. _Oh_.

 

Saihara freezes the moment it leaves her mouth. Seeing him freeze is what makes Akamatsu realize what she’s just said.

 

“A-ah, um… I mean, I…”

 

“It’s… usually supposed to be the other way around for a guy and girl, isn’t it…”

 

“ _That’s_ all you have to say?” She gives him a disbelieving look, but her voice holds the same wondering quality as his. “I practically propose to you, you know…! At the least you could give me an ans-”

 

“ _Yes_ ,” he grabs her hand before she can say anything else. “If you’re asking me to marry you, then- Please. Yes, Kaede.”

 

She makes a sound akin to a squeak, and then she’s laughing and crying as she throws herself at him. “That’s what it finally took…!”

 

~.~.~.~

 

_Shuuichi._

 

_I have something to show you._

 

_It’s… a letter I received when I was a first-year in junior high._

 

~.~.~.~

 

He sits at the table, room yellow with lamplight as he looks over the envelope.

 

Sure enough, as Kaede had said, the stamp is dated twelve years in the future from when she received it.

 

That isn’t what makes his hands shake.

 

It’s the fact that he recognizes his own handwriting on an envelope he has no memory of.

 

This won’t be like with the young man Kaede had dated before him. It won’t drive him away, and not just because this is something that was apparently done by his own hand.

 

It’s because he loves her enough to stay, in spite of anything. She’s worth whatever hopeful or despairing truth might be held inside this letter.

 

Saihara prepares himself, then opens it.

 

~.~.~.~

 

_To Akamatsu Kaede-san,_

 

_By the time you will read this, I will be dead. But that’s not to say you won’t meet me. It’s a little complicated to explain, I’m afraid, and my time is rather short now._

 

_This thing I’m about to do is for your sake. They took you from me, from all of us, and I can’t let that go unanswered. Even if the price for that is my own life._

 

_I don’t know what sort of state you’ll be in when you read this, but I hope with all of my heart that you are well. You probably won’t know me when this letter reaches you, but as long as you’re happy and safe… that’s all that I need. I’ll be content with that._

 

_There’s so much I wish I could say. I would, if I had the time, but the hour is drawing near._

 

_I know it probably doesn’t mean much coming from a stranger, but try to trust in those around you. Don’t be afraid to believe in yourself or in others. I know it’s a risk to open your heart to other people, but I promise that it will be worth it in the end._

 

_I can say that with confidence, because that’s what you did for me. Because of you and your words, I’ve continued to hold my head up high, no matter the terrible truths that I learned. It’s because you saved my heart that I was able to continue living._

 

_Be safe. Be well. There’s nothing I long for more than to see your smile once again. So now I must go, so I can fight to protect that._

 

_I hope that one day, somehow, I can meet you again._

 

_And forgive me, for this one thing I have to say._

 

_I love you._

**Author's Note:**

> 友達になってくれて、本当に良かった。


End file.
